In times before...

in times before the grace
confusion is inherent to my condition
all these lights hardly reachable
put me in states of cold panic
make me wonder about
this
so-called
Evolution
and the power it holds
I want to touch this energy
deep inside of me
but I burn my fingers and soul
I can't go my way too fast
and I widen the gap
between the things I
know
and the things I just
understand

in times before the grace
I still wonder why
it must be this way
suffering from appearances
that I could not be someone good
or worthy
or anything
then I sit down
take time to ponder things
and realize that
the
only
problem
is that I still do
not
believe in
the things I know

in times before the light
I feel some kind of
strong
                              powerful
anguish
my bones c-r-a-c-k
my heart                    ___aches
must be some kind of
egotic
reaction
my soul wants to crash
and flush my human conscience away
and be flowed
submerged
overcome
by Divine light
this
is
evolution

my heart aches
because it's already
o_p_e_n_i_n_g

wide open
to the Divine

in times before the light
my feet ache
I walk                              still
towards the light
I always knew the road would be hard
but I'm on – again
I stand still
some decisions                    
                              have to be taken
some pain                    
                              has to be endured
some paths                    
                              have to be crossed

the decisions are hard to take
and the paths seem awfully painful to walk on
but all of this
                                        has to be made
because I deserve
                              so much
so many things
so beautiful
and that I have
                                        always
wanted to know
the hard way

sweetness of pain
as long as                              
          it is understood
                               as it should
only as an evolving experience